Well douche your snatch and let's go!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize