What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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