i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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