took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
