Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize