It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
