you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
