I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
