am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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