Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
