I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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