so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize