$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
