I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
