apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
