the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
