look no pants
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize