I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
