I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
