I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I touched a dick in church today
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
