I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do vagina's smell?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize