I wish I could teleport
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The uberlube is also flammable
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
