your thong is hanging out like whoa
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
