Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
