so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
