They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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