Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
