She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
