need another drink. this is the easiest way
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
