Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
