Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
