Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
