were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
