Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
