He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
