I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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