Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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