im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
