If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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