Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am one with the molecules
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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