If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
