When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
