Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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