I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
