I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
