So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
