I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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