high people should be assigned attendants
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
