dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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