I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
