So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
