Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
