i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize