So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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