Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
