Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Found your dick twin last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
