I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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