I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
