It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
