The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize