you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
