There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
