i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You made out with two different species that night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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