I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wanna go halves on a baby?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
