Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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