community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
