Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
