Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
