Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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