just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize