i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
