Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
