nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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