I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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