I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
