he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
