thus making me awesome and them whores
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
