she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
