I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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