listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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