So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
