Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize