Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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