Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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