Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
