Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize