I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize