Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
