i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
