Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
