I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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