Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Randomize
