I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
