I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
