you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
